Journal Entry Two

Over the past week I have created an annotated bibliography for six sources concerning the subject of birth order. Through this process I learned why there are such differences between siblings. For instance, firstborn children generally agree more with sources of authority, and they themselves often grow up to be leaders. Middle children on the other hand are thought to be very good mediators, perhaps because they had to deal with the constant interaction with both a younger and an older sibling. The youngest children are typically the babies of the family who seek to get attention any way they can. They are also often the most rebellious of the birth orders.  Finally, only children who are female usually put their love life first, whereas male only children put their career first. I also discovered that there is a certain amount of romantic compatibility when it comes to birth order. For example, an oldest child and a youngest child often make a good match because the firstborn will cause the younger to become more responsible and the lastborn will make the older loosen up and become more spontaneous with their life. This was probably especially interesting to me because my mother is a firstborn and my father is a lastborn and they get along so well. Because of my research work, I now feel like I know my topic extremely well. I not only know the fundamental characteristics of each birth order, but I also know how it affects that person's relationships, career, and even success. Before I began this project I didn't believe that birth order science was actually capable of predicting something in my life. Now I see people's interactions as explained by birth order. Almost all of my family member's personalities seem to be shaped in one way or another by their birth order. I am now a believer in birth order science, in part because I have always wondered why siblings react differently to a similar situation when they grew up in the exact same environment. I didn't realize it before I undertook this project, but birth order helps to explain many of the fundamental differences between siblings, and I now see birth order as one of the main reasons the world is the way it is.

Journal Entry on Birth Order

I think the real reason I chose to investigate the science behind birth order was because I've always been a bit of a skeptic. I always thought that people who believed in that sort of thing were just looking for random ways to explain why they are the way that they are. When my sister and I were really little we both took a quiz on the computer that guessed what sibling order you were based on questions. We both got firstborn as an answer, so that has only fueled my doubts about birth order. All that I know about the subject of birth order comes from the quiz I took. If I remember correctly, firstborns are supposed to work well with authority and have strong leadership qualities, and lastborns often rebel from authority and are very creative problem solvers. In my opinion, the main reason people believe in birth order science is because the descriptions for each of the siblings positions are so general that anyone can identify with it. For instance, almost everybody can remember an event in their lifetime where they agreed with authority and when they rebelled against authority. This means that their personality can coincide with both the characteristics of an older sibling and a younger sibling. Which brings me right back to believing that all of this birth order information is just a bunch of hype. But that doesn't mean I can't be swayed to believe in the power of birth order- I just need to see a bit more concrete evidence before I believe it. I'm curious to learn more about the specific details of the positive and negative effects of birth order, so that I can apply them to my own life and see if they hold true. Even though my sister and I were raised in the same environment with the same parents, we have completely different personalities, and I wonder if birth order is one of the main reasons we're so different. I would also like to know if the stereotypes about siblings such as the older being the more responsible and the younger being mischievous are actually true and can be backed by fact. Even if my research doesn't persuade me to believe in the power of birth order, I have a feeling I'll find out something interesting with my topic being as personal as it is.

Scarlet Letter (144- 216)

At the beginning of these pages, Reverend Dimmesdale and Hester reunite in the woods and call for their daughter Pearl to rejoin them, but she refuses to until her mother pins back on the scarlet letter. After their meeting Dimmesdale becomes vexed and begins to wonder if the "infectious poison of sin" has ruined him (182). As Hester plans to depart on the ship for a better life that she has created in her mind, it is revealed that Roger Chillingworth will be accompanying her on her journey. Ms. Hibbins accosted Hester and implied that Hester and Dimmesdale were under the power of the "Black Man" (198). Dimmesdale spoke to the shocked masses and called Pearl and Hester up on the stage with him, confessed his sin and revealed his symbol. At last he felt content to let go and be judged by God alone.

Did this book come to a satisfactory closure for you? Why or why not?

The conclusion of this novel seemed very fitting to me, perhaps because the author had been backhandedly implying that Hester and Dimmesdale running away together was the immoral thing to do. He convinced the audience so with subtle hints such as Mr. Dimmesdale's surprisingly improved health, which caused Hester to doubt that this plan was really the best arrangement for him. Additionally, the crowd's "cool, well acquainted gaze at her familiar shame" (202) caused Hester to acknowledge that nothing had really changed for her. I think that audiences everywhere were pleased when Dimmesdale called Hester and Pearl up onto the platform with him, and when he finally was able to rest in peace after confessing his shame and become a "departed spirit" (210). Dimmesdale was one of the most likeable characters of the book, but his constant guilt made it difficult for him to ever feel comfortable, so it was a relief to me when he finally conveyed his error. I must confess that Chillingworth's death did not leave me remotely heartbroken, as I had been wishing he was gone since a few pages after he was introduced. Pearl was finally given a chance to live her own life, and the novel implies that she may have found love among some English noble. Hester appeared to have died having done all she could to erase her sin, which left me satisfied that she had ultimately accomplished her goal of inner peace.

Scarlet Letter (72-144)

In this portion of the novel, Hester's daughter, Pearl, takes center stage. On almost every other page a new description of her astounding wit and unearthly elegance can be found. Roger Chillingworth is portrayed as a dark and twisted man who lays the blame of adultery solely on Heste (98). The idea that the guilty sinners can sometimes be the most innocent is also introduced due to Hester's increasingly holiness and Roger's downward spiral into sin. It is also revealed that Reverend Dimmesdale is in very poor health, and that "Doctor" Chillingworth is hurting the Reverend more than he is helping him (117). Lastly, these pages commend Hester for her strength in trying times, and she continues to show herself as the strongest character of the book (134).

Pay attention to word choice- how is the author shaping your judgement by the words he chooses?
When Hawthorne used the words "prophecy of decay" to describe Mr. Dimmesdale's figure, he imparted the idea on the reader that Mr. Dimmesdale was dying, and nothing could be done to stop it, as it was his destiny (100). Therefore, when Dr. Chillingworth seemingly attempts to cure Mr. Dimmesdale, Chillingworth is automatically seen as an evil figure attempting to get in the way of Mr. Dimmesdale's ultimate meeting with God. Additionally, when Hawthorne stated that Pearl was "the scarlet letter in another form; the scarlet letter endowed with life," he implies that Pearl is also a symbol of her mother's adultery (84). He also causes the reader to acknowledge that Pearl will never be able to change the fact that she was born of sin, and how terribly that much psychologically damage a child. Hawthorne also used anaphora when he repeated "I" at each interventionism of Dimmesdale's imagined speech of confession to the village (119). This rhetorical device effectively convinced the readers that he takes responsibility for his actions, and it emphasizes his all-consuming feelings of guilt. Finally, when the author described Dimmesdale's dark unlit walk and Father Wilson's "lighted lantern," he uses symbolism to show the audience that Dimmesdale is losing his way and perhaps even becoming more and more detached from the Holy Spirit.

The Scarlet Letter Entry One (pgs 1-72)

The novel The Scarlet Letter begins with a windy introduction from the point of view of the author, describing a mix of fictitious and historical facts leading up to the fabricated event of the author finding a note from Surveyor Pue which chronicled the life and times of one Hester Prynne. The next chapter begins with Hester emerging from her prison cell after being locked up for adultery calm and composed, with a striking scarlet letter on her chest. She is forced to remain on a wooden platform for three hours and face the disapproving crowds, the long looks from a man who is quite possibly her baby's father, and her inexperienced minister's feeble attempts to help. An elderly doctor who proved to be Hester's husband resolved to discover who the baby's father was.

Who do you think is the intended audience? Why?
Nathaniel Hawthorne appears to be directing his novel at two specific audiences: the Hester Prynnes of the world and the disapproving crowds of the world. By representing his two audiences in the Scarlet Letter, Hawthorne successfully teaches each of his audiences a lesson. To the disapproving crowds of the world, he sends a message to understand that judgement of a sin can sometimes be worse than the sin itself. He does this by incorporating sentences such as "She had borne, that morning, all that nature could endure" (59). He portrays the churchgoing busybodys of the novel as ruthless women who feed off of Hester's misfortune to convince themselves that they are close to god. Hawthorne seems to be appealing to town gossips everywhere to understand the full power of their words, and the lengths that they can push others to. Hawthorne appears to send an entirely different message to the Hesters reading his books. He encourages them to have strength when he describes Hester's composure and "How her beauty shone out, and made a halo of the misfortune and ignominy in which she was enveloped" (46). Hawthorne seems to understand deeply the pain that comes with being shunned, perhaps because his grandfather was one of the judges to sentence innocent men and women to death as witches. In a sense, this novel is written for all of those who are blamed for wrongdoings to find the inner strength to ignore their humiliation, and for the accusers to find it in their hearts to forgive and forget.

Interior Monologue (pgs 56-85)

A year ago, I never would have expected to wish for more kindness in my life than anything else. The nurse, Suzy, is a prime example of a understanding human being. She helped me through many a tough time, especially when I began to feel as though I was loosing control of the situation. Who would have thought breaking a popsicle would be such a bonding experience?

Yes, that's true, Susie taught me a thing or two about sympathy. I was very grateful that she was the one to tell me about my  "code plan" choices for if my heart stopped. But her sugar coated diction was just too much for me. I can't deal with compassion if it comes with such a frivolous friend. 

I wonder what would have happened if I'd shown a bit more compassion to Jason when he was a student? Maybe if I'd given him an extension on that paper because of his grandmother's death, he would have been more sympathetic to my cause.

Now that makes no sense. Jason didn't have it in for me, what happened was pure accident.

Oh really? He knew what he was doing when he called in the blue code. When Susie tried to fight him, he justified it by calling me research. That sure shows what he thought of me.

Okay, so maybe he did know what he was doing. Can you really judge him?

No, I would have done the same thing. But I have to say, I'm very surprised that this is what I''m thinking about after I die. I thought I would spend my time pondering Donne's poetry.

But I did that so much in life. Remember, one of your last thoughts was a daydream about Professor Ashford reading you that book from your childhood. That's a pretty sentimental end to the story.

I wonder what it's going to be like now that I'm dead, and Donne isn't on my mind.

I think we've got some time to figure that out.

Diary (pgs 28-56)

Dear Diary,

This week has been tough on me, and not just physically. I do not feel at home in this hospital, and I've been separated from the world of literature for too long. In the midst of my desperation, I've even gone so far as to replace the comforting wit of the great John Donne with my own fabricated puns and plays on words, if that gives you any idea how I'm doing.

The doctors have put me on the full doses of medicine for this cancer treatment. It is certainly teaching me a thing or two about humility. I have a theory that eventually I'm going to puke my brains out, and the vultures that I call colleagues will seize the opportunity to advance their own positions, perhaps through a commemorative combination of their works. I will be on the edge of my seat waiting for that publication.

After such a long day at the hospital I feel more like a petri dish that a person. As well meaning as he is, Jason's poking and prodding and his attempt to display me to his fellow doctors is stressing me out all the more. I'm also a little bit concerned that I'm on the highest dosage possible for the medicine because of Jason's ego, not to better my health.

I was put in an isolation room because my immune system is affected by the treatment. Just when I was reaching a fascinating point in my lecture in the isolation room, Susie hauled me off for more tests. What can I say, I just love how those tests make me feel!

Finally, I'd like to share with you something I learned today. The cancerous cells in my body can keep replicating themselves. Those cells are basically immortal, whereas I may only have a few days left to live. That sure puts things into perspective.

Sincerely,
Vivian

Letter (pgs 1- 28)

Dear Professor E.M. Ashford,

I find that my present location will surprise you to no end. At this very moment, I am seated in the waiting room of a Dr. Kelekian, who at his best is a benighted fellow with a lacking bedside manner. Even I, a thoroughly disconnected individual, could better deliver a difficult collection of bad news. And what is this bad news you ask?

Well Professor, it appears that I have advanced ovarian cancer. Dr. Kelekian told me, in some uncertain words, that my only hope is to undergo chemotherapy. A young man who used to be a student of mine, Dr. Jason Posner, collected information on my medical history. This ailment appears to be almost unstoppable, and I have been forced to face the fact that I do not have much time left. I have never felt quite so vulnerable before in my life.

My entire career, I have hidden behind wit and complex prose in the hope of building up defenses to the rest of the world. Every time I have corrected someone's grammar or questioned their word choice, it was in an effort to separate myself from the self-absorbed problems of a routine life. Somewhere, in my attempts to remove myself from frivolous difficulties, I have forgotten what it means to experience the world around me.

I feel that a part of my subconscious has come to the realization that I do not know much about the world, but I plan to educate myself on it. Now that I am faced with a shortened frame of time, I have to dissemble the walls of literature and education that I have so carefully built around myself. Not to say that literature is unimportant. Forgive me Professor. I merely mean that it is time that I form a human relationship besides ours of written correspondence. I had always thought that the education that I received from you concerning Donne's Holy Sonnets would be the most valuable I ever obtained, but I am growing more and more doubtful of that. As important as Donne and his writing is to me, perhaps there is something more out there.

I hope to keep you informed on my findings.


Sincerely,
Vivian Bearing

Edson, Margaret. W;t. Boston: 1999. Print.