Interior Monologue (pgs 56-85)

A year ago, I never would have expected to wish for more kindness in my life than anything else. The nurse, Suzy, is a prime example of a understanding human being. She helped me through many a tough time, especially when I began to feel as though I was loosing control of the situation. Who would have thought breaking a popsicle would be such a bonding experience?

Yes, that's true, Susie taught me a thing or two about sympathy. I was very grateful that she was the one to tell me about my  "code plan" choices for if my heart stopped. But her sugar coated diction was just too much for me. I can't deal with compassion if it comes with such a frivolous friend. 

I wonder what would have happened if I'd shown a bit more compassion to Jason when he was a student? Maybe if I'd given him an extension on that paper because of his grandmother's death, he would have been more sympathetic to my cause.

Now that makes no sense. Jason didn't have it in for me, what happened was pure accident.

Oh really? He knew what he was doing when he called in the blue code. When Susie tried to fight him, he justified it by calling me research. That sure shows what he thought of me.

Okay, so maybe he did know what he was doing. Can you really judge him?

No, I would have done the same thing. But I have to say, I'm very surprised that this is what I''m thinking about after I die. I thought I would spend my time pondering Donne's poetry.

But I did that so much in life. Remember, one of your last thoughts was a daydream about Professor Ashford reading you that book from your childhood. That's a pretty sentimental end to the story.

I wonder what it's going to be like now that I'm dead, and Donne isn't on my mind.

I think we've got some time to figure that out.